Available this winter on eBay. Items that work tested by and reviewed by those who need them.

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Star’s Have Been The Universal Way To Judge Human Beings For As Long As I Can Remember. 

Star’s Are Assholes!

I Don’t Care That People Don’t 5 Star Me – I Care That Those Empty Stars Are Taunting Me  As If To Say, “Look were starts that are empty. If we were full of gold coloring then that would mean your important. You suck.” 

In my case I am sick of seeing empty stars next to my posts. This is not a way of swaying a request for more viewer stars – I don’t give two shits if you fail to rate me with stars, or don’t feel like doing so. If you did I would be thankful, but I am more concerned with the uniform more than stereotype here. 

Even one half star would look better than none. I am not having a pity party, it’s just the image of the outline of stars with no gold. 

Remember in elementary school when your teacher would pass out those ugly gold, red, green, blue and purple star stickers? The “chosen,” child who glued the best fuzzy thing to a piece of paper got the gold and then slowly the colors went down until she would get to stars for the kids that he/she forget or “leftover.” Well no one forgot my loud ass. I would plead with pathetic untouched mental capability straining in my kiddie desk. I didn’t want to be a voluntary wearer of sticker shame. 

I think I am going to 5-star some of my post’s today. What the fuck? Live a little right? 
I am sick of this whole star stamp of good girl status. I am going to star any mother-fucking post of mine I want and might even star some of my other shit too. 
If your reading this, jump on the band wagon or even take it a little farther and write a review about how your story, post, product ext. is the shit.
So if you see my post’s all suddenly have a five star rating you know the culprit.

Ha Ha Five Star’s Bitch! I would like to congratulate myself and officially announce that I think I fucked over the star rating standard (in my own warped crazy way of course). 

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Since when is getting too comfortable involve looking like a shittier, less attractive, and depleted self confident version of your former self?

Women and men both have been known to let themselves go to shit once they found their long term or final relationship. Since this is my blog post, and I happen to be a women we are going to focus on the female end of this and not include the whole dialogue about men this happens to as well.
Getting More Intimate Is A Relationship Gain Not Measured In Pounds.
“He loves me no matter what I look like.”
Sure he does. What does that have to do with your weight gain though? THIS DOES NOT COUNT IN OBVIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES such as a health issue, new baby and so on so all of you who were about to kill me calm down. We are strictly confronting the issue with those who don’t have any situation in front of their will.
Back to voluntary ugly actions-Love has a lot to do with excepting each other and being understanding when the flaws we create or endure as human beings pops up we are there to support one another. That does not mean when the going doesn’t get tough, and I still want to look like shit I am lucky Bill still loves me because if not then…what?
No Makeup Is Fine For An Appearance But Not A No Show.
I get it. Your tired, and your makeup you had to wear for your day gig is sticking to you like putty. You want to relax without clogging your tired pores.
What to do In Order To Not Look Like Shit and Still Be Able To Let Skin Breathe?

1. Find a “brightening face wash.”

It doesn’t seem to be working? take it back with the receipt and try another that claims to brighten.
Repeat. When you find one that VI SIBLEY brightens your face to where after four uses you notice something. Neutrogena has a new one:

Warning: This is not the only one out there and this product does contain Vitamin C and Soy which actually makes some medications for example: ADD meds not work as well, and can break you out if your on a new birth control pill brand in the first month (sounds crazy but it’s true).
So if any of the above applies to you I would try another one going from least expensive first, and then only going up in price if Walgreen’s supply = no brighter face.
What does Brighter mean? I don’t want to look LIGHTER.
Brighter to me when referring to the face means – less tired, less like you have been crying, less hung-over – all of which as women we can face in the mirror sadly without actually going through tears or drinking alcohol. Basically sometimes we look like shit and even like we are on crack simply when we are exhausted. Some brightening face washes can tell your face, “Wake up bitch, smile, look alive and stop playing dead. We see your ugly ass!”
You want the face wash that listens and follows the implied direction of the quoted text above.

2. Carmex (the one in the jar unless you like to eat carmex).

Lips are chapped after work because we are dehydrated. Drink more water! Regardless, though put on some carmex in the form that is encased in a jar. SPF is better of course and I like strawberry flavored but the regular shit will do its job.

3. Teeth.

Whiten your damn teeth. Crest white strips are expensive you say? Replace buying magazines off the stand and sign up for the yearly subscription or toss them all together, or replace something you spend too much on and go broke if you have to as long as you always have a full supply of strips.
What if they don’t work?
Even better. Go to the dentist and get trays molded of your teeth. If you are lazy and aren’t afraid of an odd response ask to get two molded so your lazy ass has an extra if the first pair is dirty. Put in the gel at night (never use anything higher than 20% unless your goal was, “see through,” teeth.
Leave the guilt of teeth whitening purchases! Be ridiculous when it comes to the drug store, and trays when it comes to your teeth. Don’t get the once a year whitening thing because it is too harsh and you need to make white teeth a part of your life and do it weekly in some fashion to make it stick.
What is too white?
When your teeth hurt. Or if you decided to not listen

If you tell yourself this to make your conscious allow some solace then your one of the women who have unfortunately let themselves go, and now are worried about what your man has to do with this. Does your man have a part of this issue? Maybe later. This issue though is with you.
Being single, taken or married doesn’t take away the fact that looking like shit isn’t fun, comfortable or an addition to our lives.

4. Your Not To Tired. Just Do It. By the time your done arguing it would have been over.

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A Rant On The Subject Of Converting Religions During or Before A Marriage….

If you decide you love your partner enough to conform or join their religion and go through the process of converting to this religion that is an honorable nice thing to do. Of course this would be something you wanted to do, and your partner would be showing that he not only finds your conversion vital and the abundance of your embarrassing his culture a huge plus in your lives together.

This is when converting is fine but your freaking out because you are embarrassed that you really don’t care about ditching your prior religion or association you kept with yourself pertaining to religion.

Get over it. Move on and if your guilt is present it might be coming from the “lack,” of spiritual or other source you might want into your life-who knows? Maybe going and becoming apart of your partners religion might help get that fulfilled.

Don’t miss being a “insert religion here” if you don’t know what it truly means to be a, “insert rel….

Screw it. I can’t keep stopping to allow you guys to assume a religion.

We all mostly know what it fundamentally means to be apart of a religious group with a vast number of individuals: Catholic, Jewish, and Baptist Christianity are three known religions that most of us, “kinda get what they believe.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THESE RELIGIONS. I mean if your a Mild Kavoy Christian Humanity Blue Number 7. Something that has to many words or if there are few words than my guess is you don’t know more than those few. SO STOP BEING SAD THAT YOU ARE LEAVING ONE STRANGE PLACE FOR ANOTHER MOST LIKELY STRANGE PLACE.


Why you shouldn’t covert if your husband now knows less about his religion he grew up “claiming to embrace,” or he doesn’t care. Short Version: Your husband deep down loves whoever his higher power, God what have you. Then above deep down he doesn’t give two shits about semantics, or participating if it means work. Also, if this religion integrates some extra manual labor for example cooking on your part then he needs to let you ditch that part of embracing his customs if he can’t even read the menu or remember why he chooses these beliefs.

For his mother only. News’s Flash: She most likely doesn’t’ like you if she is already having an issue. Why doesn’t she like you? You never did anything to her? You love her son! She has to know that. She does. This is why she doesn’t like you:

1. Your hot with a savings account for retirement and are ready for Botox when ever apply.
2. She is over weight, or pretends that spending money elsewhere on other things will help her understand why she wont get botox.
3. She knows your smarter than her son. She knows your smarter than she is. Smart people don’t usually put up as much bull shit as those who choose to be a little more “care free,” upstairs tend to put up with more shit half of the reason being they don’t save any money to go get out there when things get rough or just too much.
4. She has never given you a reason besides religion. Trust me. When you convert she will still not like you and this time say something equally, or most likely more ridiculous as to why. “She just doesn’t embrace nature like I do.” the mom could say even she never goes outside and doesn’t even have a fake plant or painting of a lead to backup her love of nature.



If your partner is involved with the religion and just not claiming it like a free flashlight at Disney on Ice, being nice, his mother isn’t acting like your religion change will make things better, than go for it!


What about the tree and jingle bell’s? No Santa?

This is where I draw the line. Christmas is a Americanized, Society driven, hard, frustrating time for all Americans and dammit we should all be able to wear our Santa Christmas lingerie, put trees in houses and spend our rent on toys so our kids won’t get beat up or Internet bullied for only having this thing and not that thing.  I don’t have kids but I am just going to guess that “vintage,” has not caught on with little boys who love video games yet.


No give the tree away! If its the religious part that is the problem it’s not like you will have trouble finding other boxes of things to make a mess with. Plus, even if your loaded your kids are not as cool, or included if they don’t wake up on December 25th with presents, and family coming over. Watching Christmas on Christmas is all you have to do when schools out,  your parents are off work and the only place open is the lip up olive garden that doesn’t even mildly hide the Christmas music with Italian hints. If you deprive them of Christmas especially if they used to have Christmas you might as well lock up the Disney movies to while your at it.


Covert If:

Your happy or in a good stable place in the relationship.
Make sure you explore what converting entails.
Don’t feel guilty and if you can’t fight off the guilt but refuse to contact your older religions counsel for suggestions you don’t feel that guilty.

Believe in unicorns if you want  just don’t take away Christmas!

Don’t do it for his mother expecting for her to stop hating you cause your hot.

Make sure your partner is “really,” involved if he expects you two.

Remember being converted into a religion takes work and your husband (if he applies to the type who are not really invested) was born into the religion and going to the church on Christmas and speaking with an accent stronger when he is drunk means that you should do no more work that he does to master, practice or understand the religion.

Feel better or empowered? Really kick it up a notch and buy your mother in law a gift package for Botox-CHRISTMAS IS COMING UP! Make sure you put the gift card in pine smelly Christmas paper. Keep the receipt and call her out during public gatherings as to why she hasn’t used it. She will have to admit she likes looking bad so she can complain more about you and her life. Give it one more week and gonk the needle points.

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